Photo Courtesy of Tommy Garcia, Virginia Sherwood, Jonathan Zizzo & Bravo
Another week of the housewives, another week of me screaming into the void. Truly, as I watched this week’s episode descend into utter chaos, I found myself smacking my mouth, aghast with the tomfoolery. Many viewers will flashback to their college days, as this episode cannot be described in any other way than full college freshman hijinks, which is EXACTLY what we want from the housewives, no?
It was, of course, as formulaic as any other “Real Housewives” episode with quick catch ups on all of the happenings with the Dallas darlings and then a massive gathering that has some sort of conflict, but this episode packed the heat and laughs, something that was missing from last week.
Anyway…grab your chicken feet and hold on, it’s time for this week’s play-by-play.
Episode Three: Kary’d Away
It seems like Kameron struggles with letting go, and it’s made clear at the beginning of this week’s episode. Last week at dim sum, Kameron was upset because Tiffany forced all of the women to eat chicken feet, and for Kameron’s preschool-like diet, this just wasn’t going to fly. She wound up hiding the chicken feet under the table, refusing to take more than a nibble.
Well, clearly Kameron is harboring some hard feelings for Tiffany as this episode opens. As Kameron is doing the elliptical while puppy Fanci is going on her walk on the treadmill, she phones all of the housewives, inviting them to her party. It’s Kary’s 50th birthday party, and the category is Saint Tropez, where Kary wanted to celebrate the big 5-0 before COVID-19 hit. Before calling Tiffany, Kameron says that Tiffany “freaks her out.” Apparently, Tiffany broke two cardinal party rules, she forced the guests to eat her food and also didn’t have centerpieces. How dare she! Kameron is ready to school her and teach her a few lessons about party culture, thus setting us up for the night’s big event.
Meanwhile, Stephanie and her family are going fishing. Actually, let me rephrase.
Meanwhile, Stephanie’s husband and two boys are going fishing, while she watches after attempting to put a lure on the hook. Their backyard is on Turtle Creek, and Stephanie enjoys the sun while the men in her life have some quality time. Even though Stephanie is a stay-at-home mom who is the primary caretaker for her two boys, her children say that, “Mom doesn’t take us to do anything.” This is a bit heartbreaking, and we then dive into the gender dynamics at play in the Hollman family. Stephanie gave up her career to be a housewife, and that’s exactly what her husband, Travis, wanted. He wanted an “old-fashioned woman,” one who takes care of the family and has dinner prepared while he provides. Stephanie points out the flaws in this, as the one who makes the money normally holds all of the power. She begins to realize that she wants more than this and that caused her to create the Hollman Foundation. With the foundation, her first project is to make over lockers for schools, and she’s partnering with Travis’ company to do just that, however Travis says that Stephanie is spending too much money. He says that she forced him to take on this project. Stephanie clearly gets upset with this, but reigns in her anger. She then says that she found someone to do the flooring, and, to the camera, she says that she knows that she can get what she wants from Travis at the end of the day because she has a vagina. Travis eventually agrees to all of her conditions, lockers, flooring and a personal office, after she makes a point that he has nine cars, what does she have? It’s clear that Stephanie wants more from her life in this segment, possibly alluding to her arc for the remainder of the season. Travis then ends the moment by asking her what she made for dinner. Whew.
We then move to Tiffany, who is off to the grocery store to buy food for her parents. Her parents are taking COVID incredibly seriously, as her father is immuno-compromised, so Tiffany has done a lot of the shopping for them. When her mom calls while she’s in the store and has some particular starfruit requests, Tiffany gives us some insight into their relationship. Her mom is very hard to please, and Tiffany can never do anything right. When she surprised her mom with a brand new car, the first words out of her mom’s mouth were, “It’s not turbo?” I then found myself screaming, “I’ll take the car Tiffany! Me! Me! Pick me! I’m fine with a regifting!”
Then, after a brief segment discussing Brandi’s recent escapade to Florida, we’re back to Tiffany who is now at her mother’s house dropping off groceries. Her mother, Grace, comes outside to get the goods, and her kids give grandma big hugs and drawings as grandma eyes the camera, clearly spooked by the whole situation. Tiffany then laments on the fact that her mom wasn’t the best mom, but she’s an excellent grandmother, and it’s made clear that there is some tension in Tiffany and Grace’s relationship, as Grace chastises Tiffany for getting them too much. Tiffany then leaves, but not before letting the world know that her impersonations on her TikTok, @tiffanymoonmd, are inspired by her real life mother. Let’s hope Grace is not watching this season, because she would be in for a rude awakening!
Now, let’s get the party planning started! Kameron is with her party planners, Emma and Elisabeth, who are ready to plan the party of Kameron and Kary’s dreams. Emma and Elisabeth are normally outside of Kameron’s bubble, as she hasn’t planned a party due to COVID-19 in a hot second. I am curious about how COVID-19 is being handled on the show, especially after “The Real Housewives of New York” had to shutdown production. Did Emma and Elisabeth get tested? What happens when you enter the housewife bubble? Anyway, we’re not getting those answers, but the questions lingered throughout the rest of the episode. Kameron is throwing this Saint Tropez pool party, and all of the guests must come wearing white. The party will have a lot of gimmicks, including a swing, but most importantly, there will be centerpieces and a promise to upstage Tiffany’s dim sum lunch.
Meanwhile, the birthday girl, Kary is having a sexy photoshoot, which she hopes to do on every birthday milestone. Let me just say, I hope I age as well as Kary did, because she looks absolutely fantastic in these photos. I was gobsmacked. She wants to be an inspiration for other women saying, “At 50-years-old, if I can do a sexy photoshoot, any woman should be able to do it.” Stephanie also stops by to cheer her on, who Kary invited because she has been so supportive of Kary. Kary and Stephanie then have a real conversation about age, and Kary reveals that she has some anxiety around 50. She feels young, and her “vagina feels like it’s in her teenage years,” but she wants to continue to live. Stephanie then says that she wants to live for herself in her 40s and not just for Travis. She gave up her career and now feels lost, and she wants to change that. I loved this moment, and it’s clear that Stephanie is about to have a metamorphosis, and I cannot wait to see that throughout the rest of the season.
The next day is the party, and the show takes a brief intermission as the girls pick out their swimsuits. D’Andra’s husband says that a certain cover up looks very “Little House on the Prairie,” and Stephanie and Brandi joke about how the white swimsuits that Stephanie bought are absolutely see through. Brandi is also worried that her fake tan will come off, which I believe is incredibly relatable, as sometimes the concealer I wear on a bad acne day rubs off on my mask, and my makeup wearing tendencies are exposed.
Anyway, everyone picks out the perfect outfit (thank GOODNESS!) and we blast off to Kameron’s party, which is at her father-in-law’s house because her house is on the market. It’s, of course, gorgeous, paying homage to the airness of Saint Tropez (or so I’ve heard, I’ve never been). Kary’s catchphrase, “This is a situation,” adorns the DJ booth, and it’s clear that we’re in for a treat, filled with male models without shirts but WITH suspenders and masks.
Kameron is a little nervous about Brandi, because Brandi just traveled, and we flash to Brandi and Stephanie who are arriving together. Brandi says that she was super cautious in Florida, and she’s taken four tests since coming home. She has a face shield on so that everyone can feel safe (sigh), and she also, in what is quite possibly the most bogus thing that this recapper has ever seen, has her test results laminated and hanging from her neck. It’s all negative of course, fingers crossed that they weren’t false negatives.
And then, everyone arrives at the party. Brandi, beyond her outrageous attire, has a tape measure to make sure that everyone stays six feet away from her as a joke, and D’Andra isn’t having it (neither am I). “You need a hazmat suit coming back from Florida even when it’s not a pandemic,” D’Andra says. My time in Orlando can confirm D’Andra’s point, and I wonder why Brandi even came. Maybe, just maybe, she should have sat this one out. But anyway, Tiffany got Kary some tequila, and after her experiences with her mom, she wants to have fun tonight. For Tiffany, it was all about studying and grades, so tonight, she hopes to learn from Kary, not Kameron.
Then, the tension starts building. The girls take a group photo, and Tiffany calls Brandi “COVID girl,” which Kameron called D’Andra last week after D’Andra was nervous about her own health, only to get a negative test result. Tiffany last week politely asked Kameron not to call D’Andra that, but Kameron remembers it differently, saying that Tiffany almost bit her head off. Kameron calls Tiffany out, and Tiffany shrugs it off.
We head over to the dinner table, where Brandi is still, comically, eating with her face shield on. Kary gives a short speech, saying that she’s so happy to be with her friends, and when someone mentions how good the food is, Kameron takes a jab at Tiffany, saying, “It’s a lot better than the chicken feet, I know that.” I groaned. I audibly groaned, causing my uncle to look up and ask me if all was alright. Everyone at the party is uncomfortable, and Tiffany, while laughing and clearly joking, says, “My people take offense to that. You just offended everyone in China.” Kameron, however, immediately jumps on the defensive, saying that her distaste of chicken feet has nothing to do with China. Tiffany, now realizing that this is a real situation, says that it’s a cultural food, it actually does. Kameron hits back, saying that Tiffany is stereotyping all of China, to which Tiffany’s and many other housewives’ mouths drop. Tiffany says that it has everything to do with China, it’s a cuisine in China.
Brandi and Kary then leave the table and decide to go take more shots, which is exactly what I would have done in this situation.
Kameron then says that Tiffany pushed her so hard even though she was grossed out, and Tiffany officially labels it feetgate (oop), saying that she was sorry that food associated with her culture grosses Kameron out. Dim sum was supposed to be fun, and Tiffany says to Kameron that she needs to loosen up, which was, apparently, the incorrect thing to say, as Kameron fires back with a, “Me loosen up? I’m really offended that you said that.”
Meanwhile, Kary and Brandi are having a love fest, taking shot after shot.
Anyway, Kameron is upset and says that TIffany has to respect that she wasn’t comfortable, and as a friend Tiffany should have understood that. Tiffany then gives in and says that she is sorry that she hazed Kameron and pressured her, and she apologizes for being bossy. The girls then decide to start over just as Kary approaches the table with shots.
And thus, we all go back to our college years, as all of the housewives start drinking. Like, D-R-I-N-K-I-N-G, drinking. Shots are poured into mouths as I screamed from my couch about COVID, and the party gets crazier and crazier. Lap dances are given, the shirtless hunks spray Kary with champagne and Tiffany has to spit out her vodka.
Finally, a new chicken feet unrelated drama is born, as Kary pushes Tiffany into the pool. Tiffany can’t swim (gulp) and didn’t have her floaties or swimsuit on. Tiffany then says to the camera, “Kary may be trying to kill me,” but Kary sees this as a symbol of love. She wants to include her friends in her shenanigans, and she thinks that her pushiness is how she shows her love. I wonder which love language that falls into. D’Andra, what’s your take? Anyway, Tiffany ends the episode saying that while she does want to be more fun, at some point, she has to go home to be a doctor. She then drunkenly stumbles out of the backyard, floaties on, and we’re left wondering, is Tiffany going to hear her alarm in the morning? I hope someone set a few extras for her.
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Tuesdays on Bravo at 8pm CST.
