Photo Courtesy of Tommy Garcia, Virginia Sherwood, Jonathan Zizzo & Bravo

Howdy y’all! Whew…what a week we’ve had. It honestly feels a little weird to be blogging about the Real Housewives of Dallas right now, but I hope that either this recap or the episode brought some joy in this difficult week. I hope that everyone is staying warm, and please see our list of neighborhood resources if assistance is needed.

Anyway, when I was a college student in Chicago, a song came out that rocked my friends’ world. “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan (I am a massive fan of both) paid homage to the year. A song celebrating the turn of the century, the music video referenced “Titanic” and “American Beauty.” Lyrics raged throughout the hyperpop song like, “I just wanna go back, sing ‘Hit me baby, one more time.’” And, the song clearly riffed off of Prince’s “1999” as well. My friends and I danced until the wee hours of the morning.

So, in a sense, I understood Kary Brittingham when she said, “Who’s ready to party like it’s 1999?” on the bus to Austin in this week’s episode. I may have only been a literal baby in that year (I know, I know), but my friends and I partied like it was 1999, danced to “1999” and paid homage to Prince’s “1999” all throughout college. 

Did the housewives embrace the 1999 mentality in this week’s episode? Well, I honestly don’t think they partied like it was 1999, but they did party like it was Thanksgiving dinner after the 2016 election when a political debate erupted over a steaming plate of mashed potatoes and Uncle Bill and Aunt Beth started screaming at one another and you wondered if the food was actually going to stay on the plate or if you’d finally get to scream “FOOD FIGHT!” at the top of your lungs and live your middle school dreams at your own dining room table. Yes, it was very that.

Well, anyway…take a look at this week’s recap, and let us know if you think that these women truly partied like it was 1999.

Episode 7: Getting Weird in Austin

In last week’s episode, the housewives announced their plans via piñata to go travel to Austin for Kary’s birthday. The trip, planned by Kameron Westcott and Stephanie Hollman, is meant to be a nice COVID-19 getaway for the girls, who need a vacation after the disaster that was Dr. Tiffany Moon’s pizza party. We open this week’s episode with all of the women packing for the excursion. Kameron is packing her size 11 shoes, Kary has a big floppy hat and Brandi is equipped with her husband’s underwear, which are meant for the inflatable man with quite the package that is crashing the party. Yes, you did read that correctly.

The party is going to have themes, starting with a rockstar theme during travel, as the transportation to Austin is a tour bus. “We are going to be rockin’ it in this bus rockstar style,” Kary said, saying that she needs her girl time like she needs air to breathe.

Tiffany is packing for the trip, using a Dior suitcase for her very expensive clothes. She’s excited to go on the trip, but right when she gets back she has a meeting with her supervisor where she will ask for less hours. This has been a recurring theme with Tiffany, as she wants to be spending less time at the hospital and more time with her daughters. Her husband Daniel, who I think may be the most calming presence on the show, tells her that she will be fine. All seems to be okay, and Tiffany then calls D’Andra Simmons for outfit help. Tiffany is ready for battle with her packing spreadsheet in hand, but she just needs a little guidance on what exactly to bring from her bestie. In terms of the spreadsheet, she says to the camera that “spreadsheets is my love language, you can calculate things, it prints all on one page. Does everyone not do this?” I actually do this, so Tiffany, I think you’re my new best friend.

D’Andra tells Tiffany to pack her umbrella hat and red bottoms before breaking some news on the phone call. The women did not have fun at the pizza party, and some of the other girls felt unwelcome in Tiffany’s house and like she was a bad hostess. Here’s what they said in a dramatic play format. Please note, these quotations have been paraphrased.

Lights DIM on TIFFANY and spotlights RISE on STEPHANIE, BRANDI and KAMERON who are all speaking to their husbands about Dr. Tiffany Moon’s pizza party. TIFFANY is lightly lit in the background, frozen on the phone with D’ANDRA.

STEPHANIE (to husband)

Pizza night was a horrible experience. “She says that there are rules.”

BRANDI (to husband)

She put crickets and grasshoppers on the pizza.

KAMERON (to husband)

Stephanie and I both have Toto toilets, we don’t sit there and talk about them.

Spotlights OUT on STEPHANIE, BRANDI and KAMERON. Lights UP on TIFFANY, who is talking on the phone to D’ANDRA. 

TIFFANY (to D’ANDRA)

I didn’t think talking about our toilets was bragging, but I’m glad that you’re telling me, I had no clue. I feel like I do everything wrong.

D’ANDRA (VOICE OVER)

I just thought I would let you know before the party.

TIFFANY (to AUDIENCE, an aside)

I haven’t had a big group of gals who have always hung out together. This is all new for me.

Lights OUT on TIFFANY, lights OUT on my attempt to write a play version of RHOD.

Okay, now that I’ve relived my theater kid days, basically the girls thought Tiffany was braggy and hosted a bad party. End of story, and Tiffany is now nervous for the girls trip.

D’Andra, on the other hand, is planning outfits with Jeremy, her husband. She feels uneasy about the trip because her and Kary haven’t buried the hatchet from their blow-up in Grapevine. She doesn’t like to be fighting with Kary, and she says that it’s upsetting because they’ve had such a great friendship. Jeremy advises D’Andra not to snap, as she normally does when she’s pushed. D’Andra knows she may, and she hopes her work with her Shaman will help her remain calm.

And thus, the festivities begin! The women show up to the rocker bus decked out in their best rocker gear. The best costume award goes to, of course, the former cheerleader, Brandi Redmond, who looks like a Dallas Cowboys branded Elvis. Once on the bus, Kary starts pouring tequila down everyone’s throats, and Tiffany is set on being new and improved. She’s ready to let her hair down. Alexa, play Katy Perry’s “Déjà Vu.”

We also find out that D’Andra was a groupie on the bus. She traveled with The Who and some other groups that no one’s heard of (sorry if you have), and then the girls start talking about sex. We learn all of their favorite sex positions, and finally, in a heel click, they’re in Austin.

There’s a catch, however. The bus driver can’t get the bus up the driveway, so the girls, in full rocker costumes and leather, have to trudge the half mile up the driveway. I truly felt bad for them as they made it up the rocky road in 94 degree weather, and Kameron makes it clear that this is not a part of her itinerary (which she printed on pink paper and sprayed with perfume. Elle Woods anyone?). 

When they finally arrive on the hallowed grounds, they make their way around the property, which is right on Lake Austin. Called the Echelon, it looks like a full hotel, but it’s just for them. Ah, to live in the lap of luxury. Kameron says that the weekend is about to be just like Kary: “a little bit of class and a little bit of nasty.” So, The girls change out of their sweaty clothes, Brandi hops in the pool and all of the women meet by the lake for a margarita. Kary then gives a speech addressing drama with Tiffany saying: “I really appreciate all of you being here. I’m really enjoying getting to know you more, Tiffany. I never want to come off as a bully, I know you said that about me a little bit, and I’m so sorry if you think that I’ve been like that. Like, if I love you, and I want you to have a good time with me, that’s me. That’s my personality. So, if you’re at all ever offended by me, come talk to me. I’ll change, and I’m very sorry if I ever offended you.” We then jump into confessionals:

STEPHANIE (to camera)

This is the Kary I love. Kary is quick to own up to her mistakes whenever she makes them.

KAMERON (to camera)

That was the sweetest thing she’s ever done.

BRANDI (to camera) 

She truly is a really good friend.

Camera shifts to D’ANDRA, who doesn’t say anything. She just rolls her eyes and sighs.

Oof…you can feel the tension brewing. Anyway, the girls cheers and then all go inside to get ready for dinner. In D’Andra and Tiffany’s room, D’Andra is clearly upset that Kary gave such a “flowery” speech, but she didn’t get an apology. Kary did somersaults to apologize to Tiffany, but won’t apologize to D’Andra. Kameron and Kary come in and check in on their room, and after they leave, they stay in the doorway to eavesdrop. D’Andra basically builds a case against Kary, all while Kary and Kameron are listening in the doorway. Tiffany keeps defending Kary, however D’Andra is so mad at Kary that she won’t hear it. Once D’Andra and Tiffany start leaving their room, Kameron and Kary run to the other women to tell them what happened. Kary’s really hurt that D’Andra talked behind her back at her party, and she starts crying, only to be comforted by all of the other women. Stephanie then points out that Kary wants to have a better relationship and be closer to D’Andra, but D’Andra is making that difficult.

After D’Andra gets a literal B12 shot in her butt from Dr. Tiffany, the women come back together to have dinner. Kary is clearly shaken, but before the drama can erupt, the women play a game called chicken sh*t bingo. There is a bingo board, and the goal is to have a chicken poop on their number. D’Andra points out that things like this are why people make fun of Texas, and this Kansas-born boy believes that is true. Anyway, Kary wins and celebrates, and I hope that the chicken is maybe let go. Free the chicken.

The girls then come around the table for dinner after Kary’s victory. Before they can grab dinner, Kary decides to give a toast:  “I only want to be surrounded by love, true friends, by people that want to be here, and if you don’t like me, and if you don’t wanna be here, if you’re upset with me. Don’t be here. D’Andra if you’re upset at me and you don’t want to be and want to talk behind my back, you know, don’t come.”

Yeah. My jaw dropped. My hair flew off of my head. I basically had to be picked up off of the floor. Of course, full chaos erupts. D’Andra says, “I was invited here Kary, so if you don’t want me here, I’m happy to go home.” Kary retorts, saying that she’s always 1000% honest and doesn’t talk behind anyone’s back. D’Andra then goes for it, calling Kary a bully, which Kameron, Brandi and Stephanie take issue with. 

Then, Kary gets a montage, showing all of the times that she has come for D’Andra. On Twitter last night, D’Andra pointed out on Twitter that the only people who get montages are bullies. Reunion here we come.

Kary then calls D’Andra a bully, which D’Andra says isn’t true, and then Kary says that friendships should be about communicating and growing. D’Andra takes issue with this, as Kary didn’t talk to her after their Grapevine blowout. Various details of that are rehashed, with Kary and D’Andra again arguing over who is the more selfish one, before Kary says to the camera that “D’Andra’s missing the connection between being a genuine friend and checking the box.” I think that this is a great quote from Kary, and if what she says is true, that D’Andra never asks Kary how she’s doing, then I think Kary is spot on. Maybe the two just shouldn’t be friends? Just a thought. 

D’Andra then says that maybe she should go, and Kary says that she shouldn’t be here if she doesn’t want to be here. This causes D’Andra to storm out, saying that she’s happy to go, and D’Andra yells an expletive at Kary that isn’t family friendly. Tiffany and Stephanie follow D’Andra to try to sooth her.

In D’Andra and Tiffany’s room, where D’Andra went after running off, Stephanie and Tiffany both agree that this is stupid, just have a real conversation about your issues. Seems reasonable to me, but D’Andra then turns on Tiffany and Stephanie, getting angry that they were just sitting there. Stephanie says that she doesn’t think D’Andra or Kary were bullies, and D’Andra clearly disagrees saying that “her [Kary] and Kameron are two bulldogs at a chicken fight. If she doesn’t come and apologize to me for last week, and now she’s on my ass about this week, uh huh. I came on this trip so she needs to extend the olive branch now. Otherwise, I’m going home. That’s the way I feel.” Woof.

Tiffany and Stephanie then leave D’Andra and rejoin the women outside, and they both ask Kary to go talk to her. I feel like we’re on a tilt-a-whirl. Neither of these women are going to budge, and we’re just “Dancin’ in Circles.” Kary then lashes out at Tiffany specifically, saying, “We’re not on D’Andra’s time. I’m going to tell you something right now. If she wants to stay and wants to talk to me, she better f—— beg.” Brandi heads to get more wine, and again, wins.

Meanwhile, D’Andra is on the phone with her husband saying that she’s headed home. After hearing the situation, Jeremy says that Kary and Kameron “deserve what they hear,” in reference to their eavesdropping, and it’s hard not to agree with him. Don’t eavesdrop if you don’t want to hear people talking about you. Jeremy also says that if D’Andra leaves, Kary wins. 

We’re back outside, and Tiffany is now reasoning with Kary once again, saying that they’re both hurting. Kary says that she’s hurting more, and Stephanie jumps in to say that it’s not a competition. They’re both hurt. Suddenly Tiffany’s crying. Everyone is confused (me too). Why is she crying? Well, Tiffany says, “I hate it when my friends fight, it’s like when I was a little girl and I used to watch my parents fight.” Yikes. None of the women are having it with Tiffany, and Kary then blows up on Tiffany, shouting a LOT of curse words, the most cutting being, “I will never take a step with her [D’Andra] right now over my dead f—— body.” 

D’Andra, still talking to Jeremy, says that Kary is going to make a fool of herself if she continues her tirade, and D’Andra says that she has friends that will treat her with respect. She doesn’t need it.

And thus, we end on a cliffhanger. Will D’Andra bite back? Will Kary throw Dr. Moon into a body of water…again? Will Kameron be in “Legally Blonde 3”? We’ll find out soon enough.


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