Photo Courtesy of Tommy Garcia, Virginia Sherwood, Jonathan Zizzo & Bravo

Sorry, sorry that this was late. I was just writing a card for Mother’s Day. You know, it’s important that we have Mother’s Day to honor Moms, especially the ones who do so much for—

What? Mother’s Day is…two months away? You’re joking right? You’re not? But the housewives…

Well, this week’s episode of the “Real Housewives of Dallas” really had me fooled! With all of the time spent focusing on motherhood, I totally thought that it was Mother’s Day! Breakfast-in-bed for my mom was all ready to go.

All jokes aside, this week’s episode, aptly titled “Mommy Dearests” featured the moms of D’Andra Simmons, Stephanie Hollman and Tiffany Moon. Kary Brittingham also pledged to be a better mom to her children, and Kameron Westcott got her son a haircut. Can you say theme?

How much focus was put on the mother-daughter duos? Well, read this week’s recap to find out.

Episode 11: Mommy Dearests

You know, at this point, I expect that if we end an episode with a party or an event, the next episode will start with that event, however this week, that was not the case. Instead, we start a day after Tiffany’s birthday, with Kary and D’Andra joining Tiffany for a little get together. Tiffany’s children, Chloe and Madison are there, and they decide that Kary is more fun than D’Andra, which is just objectively true, and it is especially true because Kary threw Tiffany such an amazing party. 

Tiffany wants to return the favor, especially after her literal disaster of a pizza party, and she’s decided to throw a luau at her husband’s hotel. I wish my spouse had a hotel. I wish I had a spouse, period. Anyway…to any suitors, my email is in my bio. XOXO.

The conversation then shifts to D’Andra. Brandi Redmond and Dee, D’Andra’s mother, wronged D’Andra at the party, and D’Andra is out for blood. In last week’s episode, Brandi got upset about D’Andra’s “Medicine Monday,” as she thought that it went against Christianity. D’Andra takes issue with this, especially because a year ago, the housewives went to a haunted house and Brandi was talking with spirits. D’Andra thinks it’s very two faced, and that Brandi, who has “been through hell” in the past year, shouldn’t judge her.

Dee has also been worried about D’Andra working with Darrin, the shaman who hosted Medicine Monday. However, the mother-daughter duo also got into another argument at the Moroccan-themed birthday bash, this time centered around D’Andra’s controversial decision to change her last name from Callaway to Simmons. Dee said that D’Andra changed it for clout, which served as a catalyst for a D’Andra tirade. D’Andra says that she changed her name to honor her late stepfather, Glenn Simmons, not to get ahead. “Glen was the one that was always taking care of me. He was really the parent to me, so I did it as an honorary thing to him,” D’Andra says. “So that’s the story. [Dee] betrayed me, and it really really hurt me, and here we go back in time again after making all this progress.” 

Tiffany and Kary tell D’Andra that her and Dee actually have a strong relationship compared to their relationships with their mothers, and they just need to work it out. Kary points out that D’Andra needs to approach the situation without any confrontation, and she just needs to listen. D’Andra scoffs. I scoff. The world scoffs. This is “The Real Housewives.” As if.

Anyway, in the world of the Hollmans, Stephanie is about to unveil the first project from her charity. She is making over locker rooms in underprivileged schools, and she’s worked hard to redo an entire locker room at Hamshire-Fannett High School. The school has gone through a myriad of national disasters, so Stephanie and the crew came in for a bit of “Extreme Makeover: Locker Room Edition” action. Joined by her family and Brandi, the locker room is revealed, and it’s gorgeous. The cabinets are huge, there are graphics with pictures of the players and engraved name plates adorn the lockers. Travis says that it’s one of the best high school locker rooms ever. He’s right. 

Stephanie, who used to work in social services, says to the camera, “You are a bright light in someone’s world even if it’s just for a day. I haven’t had this feeling in a long time. It feels like home.” It’s a heartwarming moment, and Stephanie even talks to Travis about doing more projects like these. “I think, in our lifetime, we can touch a lot of lives,” she says. They share a kiss, and it’s a true fairytale moment. Then, they get back on their, yes, private plane and head back to Dallas. Add that to the list of things I want. A spouse, a hotel and a private plane.

We’re back with Tiffany now, whose mom, Grace, is coming over. Tiffany is going to tell her mom that she’s going from working five days a week to four. She’s nervous, as her mom is normally quite judgmental. Her mom comes with a birthday gift in the form of a red envelope, or hóng bāo. Tiffany, who is clearly nervous, says to the camera, “I think a lot of immigrant children are the parent’s greatest investments. But sometimes, I feel more like an investment than a daughter.” But, her mom is totally fine with Tiffany taking time off, much to Tiffany’s surprise. She even says that she should take MORE days off, and Tiffany is absolutely flabbergasted. “Where is the lady that literally threw her house slipper at my head because I scored at 1550 on the SAT?” Tiffany says.

Meanwhile, D’Andra is heading over to her mom’s to talk through their issues. She feels guilty about how she spoke to Dee, but she recognizes that Dee “ran her over with a bus.” Don’t worry, though, I am here to put the rumors to rest. Ms. Valerie Frizzle, thank goodness, was not driving this bus. However, according to D’Andra, Dee was, but D’Andra is going to try to control her emotions as they talk. In her spiritual journey, she’s supposed to learn how to control her emotions. 

Finally arriving at Dee’s house, the two women head to the living room to talk it out. D’Andra opens things up by saying, “I’m very sorry for the things I said to you, my behavior was inappropriate.” Dee says that it was because she was drinking. D’Andra says yes, but, “When you said that in front of somebody I had kind of just met, you turned your back on me, you embarrassed me, you humiliated me.” Dee comes back, saying, “I told you what I knew. Do I think Simmons will carry you farther? You’re darn right I do.” Dee goes as far as saying that she remembers the phone call where D’Andra told her that she was changing her name because Simmons would take her further. 

D’Andra decides to somewhat let it all go, but she harps on the drama that this name changed caused originally, especially as she’s trying to reconnect with her brother. She knows that the name change hurt him, and she feels a little guilty about it. 

Dee brings the conversation back to their fight, talking about how her and D’Andra have had a troubled past, and the party was just another bump in the road. “I thought, okay, we’re finally finished with all of this, and then this came up, another hiccup in the road, and I’m tired of hiccups D’Andra,” Dee says. “It’s about being friends, because I do love you, I do care about you, no matter how mad I get, you’ll always be my only child. I don’t want you to ever look back and have any regrets whenever my time is up. I don’t want you to have any regrets.” It finishes with a Folgers moment, and D’Andra says “I may not ever get a relationship with my brother or my stepmother again, but I do have this relationship. I have one parent, one family member, I want whatever we have left, to have a loving mother daughter relationship. It’s probably going to be on her terms, but I’m learning to accept that.” Cute.

Next, we get a Kary segment, who is on a hike with daughters Olivia and Sophia. On the hike, the three women have a wonderful discussion of how Kary doesn’t always ask Sophia how she’s doing. Kary promises to listen more, and Sophia promises to be more honest with Kary. It’s an adorable moment, filled with a great one liner from Olivia. “My sister’s a very logical person, and my mom is the opposite of logical in almost every scenario you can think of.” Ouch, but true, and it seems as if the Brittinghams are going to be just fine.

Now, it’s time to party, and Tiffany closed an entire floor of her husband, Daniel Moon’s hotel just like that. It’s truly a dream, no? Being able to close an entire floor of a hotel for your party? Anyway, Tiffany is approaching this party differently than her pitiful pizza party. “This party, no rules, you don’t even have to wear booties, and I have hired other people to do all of my party planning for me,” she says.

In the car, Brandi, Kary and Stephanie have a low bar for this party. “I’m going to make it out alive,” Stephanie says. Kary brought a tequila-infused pineapple, so I’m banking on it being a good time. I’m also happy to provide my address to whoever wants to ship me a boozy pineapple, just for the record. Brandi talks about her and D’Andra’s drama, and Brandi stands by her condemnation of Medicine Monday. enough. She took specific issue with Darrin’s discussion around the concept of astral projecting.

But then, it’s time to party! Everyone gets a lei, Kameron reveals that she’s never even seen a bill and there’s a make your own poke bar (sans crickets). “Tiffany has stepped her game since the pizza party,” Kameron says. “It really shows you that everyone is trainable.” Of course, a “Real Housewives” party wouldn’t be complete without some type of entertainment. So, there’s a hula dancing class and a fire dancer before dinner.

At dinner, however, Tiffany has made a beautiful table setting, and the women joke about how most of them cannot remember Tiffany’s birthday party. Then, Kary, out of nowhere, brings up the religion conversation between Brandi and D’Andra. D’Andra says that Brandi said that she wasn’t a Christian, which, fact check: not true. Brandi basically said that D’Andra shouldn’t do that if she really IS Christian, implying that she’s not upholding Christian morals. 

D’Andra says, “It really hurt my feelings, because I’ve been on several journeys with you the last few years. I never questioned you, because i know you’re a Christian, and I know that at the end of the day, it’s between you and God, and I felt like you were judging me—.” “I was not trying to judge you,” Brandi says, interrupting. Brandi respects people’s journeys, but when she meditates, she puts God first. On Medicine Monday, Brandi doesn’t think that they did that. D’Andra fires back, “Did you pray before you went to the haunted house?” “Yes, I did,” Brandi admits. D’Andra, clad with a conjuring pendulum all of the women got at the haunted house (yes, she actually brought it), says, “All that kind of stuff is a little more weird that’s what was going on in my house.” Brandi, not missing a beat, says, “Did you want me to be honest with you or did you want me to lie to your mother?” D’Andra then calls Brandi a cafeteria Christian because she talks to spirits. She uses the term “practicing” in regards to Brandi’s conversations, and Brandi says, “I’m not practicing it, it happens. I don’t ask for it.” 

Then, Brandi says that what really made her weary was when Darrin mentioned astrogliding (yes, you read that right). D’Andra doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and Brandi says that it’s when your spirit leaves your body and soul. D’Andra and all of the women start hysterically laughing. “Astrogilde is a lubricant. Astroglide is what you use when you have sex.” Brandi, who meant astral projecting, rolls her eyes. Stephanie chimes in with a great quote, “I use that during sex as well, it’s great for your asshole.” Kary and Tiffany start loudly laughing, and the conversation around religion somehow continues. Kary talks about how they all practice the “nine commandments” and once again, the dinner table erupts. They ask her to name the nine, and Kary says “You can’t have sex with your neighbor,” much to the women’s amusement. Tiffany finishes the episode by saying, “Kary, I’m never going to let you live down the nine commandments.”

Will Brandi and D’Andra’s fight erupt? Will Kameron finally get her dream house? Will Dee take over the entire series and make it an autobiographical television show? Well, we’ll have to wait and see.

The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Tuesdays on Bravo at 8 p.m. CST.