Photo Courtesy of Tommy Garcia, Virginia Sherwood, Jonathan Zizzo & Bravo
After last week’s episode, I raved to my “Real Housewives” superfan friend about how good “The Real Housewives of Dallas” was getting. The drama was spicy, the conversations were real and important and Dr. Tiffany Moon brought something so new and fresh to the series.
Well, Travis (my friend), if you’re out there, I hope that this week wasn’t the week you decided to pick up the series. To put it plainly, this episode had a whole lot of nothing going on. I mean, take for instance, my recap. Normally, I clock in at roughly 2,100 words. This week? Half that. This episode was a filler episode, and no, not the good filler that makes your face go “poof,” the bad filler that makes you confused as to why you’re even watching.
Anyway…here’s this week’s recap, which you should still read after a dud of an episode. My fingers are crossed that next week brings the drama.
Episode 13: “Bigfoot, Bigger Drama”
Alright my housewives historians, let’s get this party started right where we left off…or “right where you left me – bonus track” by Taylor Swift for all my Swifties out there. Basically, Brandi Redmond is mad that D’Andra Simmons talked about her racist video in the press. All D’Andra said was that it “would be addressed,” however Brandi took it as a personal attack. When all of the women start coming for D’Andra, D’Andra says that she’s happy to leave if they all dislike her, once again preserving her queen status for the season.
Stephanie Hollman quickly puts that to a screeching halt, saying, “D’Andra, we would not all be friends if we didn’t love you. We know that you’re an amazing person, everybody here said that they see your heart. But it is a mistake, and we have to be better than that.” All of the other housewives agree that it was a mistake, and D’Andra shouldn’t have talked about it at all, including Tiffany, who is normally Team D’Andra all the way. D’Andra points out that she apologized, and she realizes that it was a mistake, and then she backs it up with my favorite tactic from my Resident Assistant years by asking Brandi, “How can we support you?” Game. Set. Match.
Brandi says that she’s trying to be strong, but when a friend puts something like that out there, it hurts. “If you know my heart and you know who I am, then you should support me, and forgive me and give me grace. And that’s what killed me because I’m your friend,” Brandi says. Tiffany then comes for the journalists (gulp) and says that the tabloid tricked D’Andra and then used the headline to get more clicks. Brandi hears this, forgives D’Andra, and what I thought would be the fight of the century fizzles out. D’Andra is proud of herself for handling this maturely. Congratulations to her.
Now that the drama is done, the women are off to Oklahoma. Brandi is driving even though she’s legally blind in one eye, and Kameron Westcott reveals that she sold her house. Stephanie almost blows up the RV because she didn’t know that you have to turn off the car engine when filling the car with gas, and D’Andra takes over the wheel, possibly playing Grand Theft Auto or MarioKart as she drives.
Anyway, they eventually make it to Broken Bow, Okla., where they’re “camping.” Let me say, if this is camping, then I’m literally Dolly Parton riding a unicorn off into the sunset. This is not camping. The women are staying in a massive cabin in the middle of nowhere. The cabin has wifi, running water and enough alcohol to literally get a small city drunk. Basically, this camping trip isn’t even glamping, it’s so much more than that.
But alas, Kary Brittingham finds time to complain, as they have to carry their own things in. “We’re really camping,” Kameron says, causing me to throw my merlot across the room (not actually, I would never waste a good red).
The rooming situation at the cottage is decided through a game. All of the women put their shoes in a potato sack, and Stephanie picks them out at random to choose roomies. The pairs are Tiffany and Kameron, Stephanie and Kary, and D’Andra and Brandi. Will this cause drama? Who knows.
The women then change into my least favorite print, camouflage (besides Kameron who just wears army green and a pink scarf) and go outside to make hotdogs. D’Andra made the fire, proving that she’s the friend you’d want to be trapped on a deserted island with. As a matter of fact, D’Andra comments on the other women, saying, “If this was Survivor, I’m sorry they’d be gone in the first five minutes.”
Then, Charles, a Bigfoot believer and seer, comes as the night’s celebrity guest. He has luscious hair, prompting Kameron to say, “I don’t know how my girlfriends have collected such unique friends with special hair.” Charles then details his bigfoot sightings, all while being heckled by Kary. She asks risque and rude questions, angering Stephanie. They then go look for Bigfoot, to no avail, and on the walk back, Kary continues to be rude to Charles. Stephanie asks her to stop, and Kary, who is upset that Charles is passionate about hunting, just won’t. She even says that he has a “little pee pee” right in front of him, and it’s supremely awkward. Yikes.
The next morning, the women wake up and Kameron, Tiffany, D’Andra and Stephanie cook breakfast. Kary, who wakes up last, is really hungover, and she says that D’Andra’s eggs look bad. D’Andra is sort of upset, and Stephanie says that Kary is being rude. She was also rude last night, Stephanie points out, and Stephanie wants Kary to call Charles and apologize. Kary laughs this off, and she doesn’t realize how upset Stephanie, the kindest person in the world, really is. Stephanie even says that she never stands up for herself, so she’s clearly upset about this.
Well, that’s put on hold as the women get ready for the day’s adventures. Stephanie, D’Andra and Kameron are going to a winery, and Tiffany, Brandi and Kary are going fishing.
On these outings, barely anything happens. On the fishing trip, Tiffany realizes that she’s finally fitting in with the women, and Kary realizes that she needs to apologize after Brandi is like, duh, you hurt Stephanie. Tiffany is also wearing an umbrella hat. Ravishing. On the winery trip, Stephanie, D’Andra and Kameron make wine in a bathtub basically, and they all realize that they need to do a better job keeping Kary in check.
Back at the cabin, the women get ready for the night, and Stephanie starts to get some games ready, spray painting toilet bowls and spraying whipped cream. She wants to give her girls a good ole’ Oklahoma experience, and she’s committed to bringing the fun.
Meanwhile, though, Kary apologizes to D’Andra about her eggs, and when Stephanie comes in to grab Cool Whip, Kary asks to talk with her. Stephanie, who is in the middle of something, asks if Kary can wait, to which Kary replies with a firm “no,” and the women go to chat. Word for the wise, an apology has to happen on the other person’s time, not yours. However, Kary breaks down and apologizes, and Stephanie forgives her, but not before pointing out that she put a lot of work into this weekend and that Charles felt defeated after he left.
But yeah, that is all of the nothing that happened on this week’s episode. Will something happen next week? Who knows.
“The Real Housewives of Dallas” airs Tuesdays on Bravo at 8 p.m. CST.
