Well, the beginning of this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Dallas” opened with a public service announcement about suicide. It turns out that LeeAnne tried to commit suicide three times and my dear, favorite Stephanie also attempted suicide and has been on anti-depressants. (Stephanie, I feel you. Thank you for your honesty.) Nevertheless, there was a lot of drinking and drama.
Here are the highlights:
- The new housewife, Kary Brittingham, made them run stairs in Mexico. D’Andra Simmons counted each step so that she could offset the calories from margaritas.
- Many were drinking straight out of a bottle of tequila. (Please, Steph, as a fellow Shelton mom, I’m asking you to not do that again.)
- They all peed behind a horse trailer while watching polo.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
- Stephanie: “I like polo because of ‘Pretty Woman.'”
- Brandi: “I don’t get polo so tequila it is.”
- Kameron: “If you match your undies to your outfit, there’s a good chance we’re going to be friends.”
- Kameron: “I’m all about dancing on the table, but that’s after you eat.”
- LeeAnne: “Drunk-ass D’Andra needs to stop talking.”
- Brandi: “Go suck a dick.”
- “Your Spanx are showing.” (About D’Andra.)
- Brandi: “Did you call me trash tonight?”
- Brandi: “Throwing a napkin in my face was trashy.”
- LeeAnne: “D’Andra is like having a child — a drunk child.”
Here are annoying people:
- The new housewife, Kary, is flitting around trying to moderate like she’s Dr. Phil or Oprah. Annoying.
- Kameron is a whiner who still wears pink obsessively — even her PJs are pink.
- LeeAnne’s Southern accent has gone off the carnie charts.
Overall, the entire show is a mockery if you’re a relative who has truly been impacted by suicide. Where in the world is Mama Dee when you need her?!
