Photo Courtesy of Tommy Garcia, Virginia Sherwood, Jonathan Zizzo & Bravo

Ah, Nicki Minaj, the queen herself. Don’t believe me? Well, she released an entire album called “Queen” with smash hits like “Barbie Dreams” and “Bed,” so yes, fact checkers, I am correct. Funnily enough, Miss Minaj had somewhat of a role in this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Dallas,” as during a party for Dr. Tiffany Moon’s birthday, D’Andra Simmons drunkenly danced the “D’Andraconda,” paying homage to Nicki Minaj’s smash hit, “Anaconda.” Basically, the reference was pure ecstasy, and this pop music aficionado screamed at his laptop.

Anyway, that’s just the tip of the iceberg for this week’s episode, so buckle up, and take a look at this week’s recap.

Episode Ten: “A Simmons By Any Other Name”

Alrighty RHOD lovers, so we picked up, as always, right where we left off, with Dallas darling Brandi Redmond telling Tiffany that she wanted to talk to her privately at D’Andra’s “Medicine Monday” event. This comes after a lot of awkwardness between Brandi and Tiffany because of Brandi’s racist video that she posted on Instagram a bit back. To sum up: Tiffany and Brandi talked it out, all was well. Brandi still thought it was awkward. Tiffany didn’t. Now Tiffany feels awkward. Brandi does too. Everyone’s awkward. I’m awkward typing this, and exhausted, so if you want more, just read my recap from last week.

Anyway, moving on, D’Andra puts a stop to that conversation right away, and she says that everyone will get a chance to talk, but it’s time for the ceremony with shaman Darrin (who also doubles as Stephanie Hollman’s former hair extension extraordinaire). D’Andra got everyone white caftans to wear with blue lining, representing light and purity, and all of the women look as if they don’t know what they were getting themselves into. They all sit in a circle, Darrin starts spraying smoke everywhere, and the meditation circle begins. D’Andra hopes that this will be a rebirth of their friendships, and she hopes that it will promote a friendlier experience among the housewives.

And you know what? It does just that. Even as some housewives are making fun of the ceremony, it’s clear that the women are getting closer. Of course, there are some skeptics and naysayers. Kameron Westcott, for instance, says, “How can everyone be so into this right now? I’m already thinking, everyone is so brainwashed,” and Brandi says, “I’m skeptical about this whole thing, because I’m a Christian. That means I believe in Jesus, and it makes me feel like I”m doing something that’s against my beliefs.” But, all in all, it seems as if the women are having fun, getting closer by the minute, jumping up and down and enjoying the ritual. They also do some partner work where they all share with one another. D’Andra makes the pairs, and she pairs her and Kary Brittingham and then Tiffany and Brandi.

It then becomes a tear fest, with D’Andra saying to Kary that Kary hurt her when she said that D’Andra was selfish and Kary saying that D’Andra hurt her when she talked behind her back. They hug it out, and they share how they want their friendships to get better.

Tiffany and Brandi have a similar healing conversation. Brandi says to Tiffany, “So, Tiffany, I just wanna say, like I don’t wanna cry, but I’m sorry I felt uncomfortable around you. It wasn’t because of you. It’s just me, internally. In return I put a lot of pressure on you as my friend, and it hasn’t allowed me to completely be myself around you, and it’s not you it’s me. I wanna grow closer with you, and I’m sorry, I wanna be myself around you, and you just check me if I’m wrong. I love you.”

D’Andra, to the camera, shares that she thinks this is the first step in Brandi’s healing. “She can’t heal anyone else but herself,” D’Andra says.

Tiffany, clearly grateful, responds with, “If you do or say something that I think is not the best representative of yourself, I’ll tell you, and we have to be able to move past this if we’re going to have a deep friendship, or else we’re never going to get there, and I want to do that with you too.”

They hug it out, Darrin loves it, and it seems as if everything is now water under the bridge. Kameron isn’t having it though, quickly becoming one of my favorites, saying, “This group just loves to barf up emotion. It’s like I’m in a therapy session wherever I go and everyone’s crying. It’s exhausting.”

Well Kameron, thankfully for you, it’s all over soon, and after the women are ceremoniously covered in rose petals and share stories of orgasmic meditation practices (yes, you read that right), the event comes to a close.

Later, Tiffany is dealing with the fallout from her much anticipated work meeting. If you don’t remember, she’s trying to go from working five days a week to four. She comes home after the meeting to Daniel, her husband, with wine and a charcuterie board, proving he’s the dream husband, and they sit down to talk about it. Long story short, her boss was totally okay with it, she worried for nothing, and now she has to worry about telling her mom. Which, from Tiffany’s point of view, may not go over well. Gulp Tiffany, fingers crossed for you.

Brandi, on the other hand, is spending some alone time with daughter, Brinkley, who struggles with dyslexia and ADHD. They rarely get alone time together, and Brandi says that when things happen to their family, they “look to Jesus.” We get a montage of Brandi praying, and she says, “With COVID and Brinkley’s learning challenges, this has been one of the hardest years of our lives, and I do feel that my faith has helped us become stronger and know that we’re going to get through it.” Meanwhile, as this is happening, Brinkley gives Brandi a makeover, making Brandi almost identical to Jojo Siwa.

While all of this is happening, Kary is busy making plans for Tiffany’s birthday party, which she is throwing. It’s going to be Moroccan themed, as Tiffany and her family had to cancel a Morocco trip due to COVID-19. Kary’s thinking bright colors, belly dancers, and a sexy Arabian nights vibe, and I have to wonder, is this okay? Anyway, that’s it there, and it sets up the stage for the conclusion of the episode.

As Kary plans her event, Kameron is planning a move out, finally pressing husband Court for details surrounding their home sale, but not before she joins the family in some football. Her daughter is nicknamed “Dream Crusher,” and Court nicknames Kameron “Wallet Crusher.” Kameron then jokes that her sport was shopping, and it’s revealed that when Court went to Cowboy’s games, Kameron would take Vogues to read. Well, after Kameron struggles to throw the pigskin, her and Court sit down to discuss what Kaermon has found: their home is labeled as “pending” on a real estate app. Court, who hasn’t revealed any details, says, “ “We’re talking with a buyer, and maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. But you don’t change a listing unless you have a legit contract.”

Kameron comes back saying, “I just wanna be sure that you understand that I just want to have respect. I’m afraid that if my voice isn’t heard in this relationship.” Court hears her, and he promises to loop her in in the future, he just wanted to have control because he often feels as if he doesn’t. “We’ve got a lot of therapy down the road,” Kameron says to the camera.

Now, it’s time for the main event, as the women are getting ready for Tiffany’s party. The Moroccan themed bash is a fantasy, with champagne quite literally being delivered out of a lavender wall. There’s a pink carpet and most of the women have come dressed with the theme in mind. Kameron muses about how she didn’t know that Kary had such great party skills, and it’s showing that Kary really cares about Tiffany. Oh, also D’Andra brought her mom, Dee.

Tiffany finally arrives at the party, talking about how she has never had a massive birthday party before. Clad with a Chanel hair clip, Tiffany and Daniel take pictures, and Tiffany gets her first present: Dee, who Tiffany says is like her second mom. She even says that she may be closer to Dee than D’Andra.

Oh, and then we have a fun little reveal. Tiffany has, in fact, pulled a remote control out of someone’s butt, and she has a message for the world: you should have a string on anything that you put up your butt. Stephanie also has a message for the women. “If you guys do that, I will not judge you.” Ah Stephanie, saying so little this episode but still saying so much.

Tiffany offers a speech to the women that goes beyond the butts.  “I have built up defense mechanisms to sort of assume the worst,” she says. “But, in real life, it’s not really serving me well, and what I’ve realized in the last couple of weeks, is that I just wanna feel like I belong and that I fit in.” She’s crying, and all of the women (sans Dee) hug her. I’m gushing, and I’m surprised that Kameron is taking part in this love fest.

“It feels good to be a part of this messed up group,” Tiffany says. “Help,” Sam (me) says.

Anyways, Dee then tells a story, acting like the wise adult in the room, and she talks about how she met the late Glenn Simmons, D’Andra’s stepfather. To put it in Kameron’s words, not mine, it can be summed up pretty easily. “You were a gold digger who literally stalked her husband in hopes that he was going to ask you to marry you,” Kameron says. Dee sees it as chasing her dreams and goals.

And now, the alcohol starts being poured rather freely, and friend of the housewives, Jen, compliments D’Andra’s shaman ceremony. Dee thinks the party was demonic, much to D’Andra’s dismay. Brandi, who is sitting by D’Andra and Dee at the table also voices her discomfort with Medicine Monday. Brandi believes that when you meditate it should be through the word of god. “And I think that it was not through the word of God,” Brandi says. Long story short, D’Andra’s upset, especially because Brandi talks to ghosts and consults mediums (no joke they rolled the tape). 

D’Andra makes it clear that she wouldn’t go against her beliefs, but Brandi is NOT having it. “Would a Christian walk away from Jesus and try other things?” Brandi says. D’Andra says, yes, they would. She knows a lot about world religions, but she still comes back to Christianity. That means that her faith is strong. You know, D’Andra, in my opinion, is only spitting facts here, but Brandi still just can’t take it, saying that she’s practicing false prophecies. D’Andra, clearly miffed, decides to let it go and move on. It’s Tiffany’s birthday. It’s time to party!

A cake comes out, more alcohol is poured, there are snakes and belly dancers, and suddenly everyone is hammered. Kameron has my favorite moment of the night, cuddling a snake and saying, “I feel bad for the snake, because she has to perform.”

More shots, shots, shots! Brandi has basically passed out, D’Andra is wearing a snake like a scarf and twerking, and Tiffany is ogling at the scene. This is when we see the D’Andraconda, making this Nicki Minaj fan (see the term: Barb) scream with joy.

 Dee just looks at all of the women, judging, while “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO plays in the background. “Ew, that was gross,” she says of her daughter, making her position on the events of the night clear. Then, Jen asks why D’Andra’s last name is Simmons if Glenn Simmons was her stepfather. D’Andra then tells Dee to tell Jen why she changed her name. Dee says that she told her that she did it because Simmons would take D’Andra far in life. This angers D’Andra, as it’s clearly a sensitive subject. Kameron details that D’Andra is self-conscious about this, as her reputation is that she changed her last name for clout. “I did everything you wanted me to do,” D’Andra screams at Dee. 

Dee flees the scene, going to the edge of the party, wanting to get out of there because of D’Andra’s drunken state. D’Andra is now crying to the women, saying that it was “because my stepfather had taken care of me.” Dee says that she’s just drunk, looking onto the chaos that is erupting. To the camera, she says that she stands by her point. “I did nothing wrong,” D’Andra says, as she makes her way to the backyard with Tiffany. Her and Tiffany then get onto a swing, and are quickly off of it, as they drunkenly fall to the ground. 

Will Dee and D’Andra reconcile, or will they just keep screaming? Will Kameron steal a snake and make it her new pet? Will Stephanie get more screen time (please)? Well, we’ll find out next week, because that’s a wrap on this week’s episode.

“The Real Housewives of Dallas” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.