Photo Courtesy of Tommy Garcia, Virginia Sherwood, Jonathan Zizzo & Bravo

Welcome back loyal fans to your Real Housewives of Dallas weekly recap, and let me tell you, this episode was laugh-out-loud funny. What was meant to be a transition episode became the funniest episode of the season, full of witty one liners and iconic lines.

So, buckle up, and take a gander at this week’s play by play.

Episode Six: Another One Bites the Crust

We start our tale with Dr. Tiffany Moon, who lamented last week over being a working mom and not getting to spend enough time with her children. She’s enjoying a nice glass of red wine with her husband, Daniel, as her kids are watching television in another room. Surprisingly, it doesn’t pick up with her motherhood woes, and instead, Tiffany decides that she wants to throw her first Real Housewives party. Unlike her dim sum dive, this one will be hosted at her house, as she wants to nurture her friendships with the women and do something that’s more her speed. Her solution? Pizza night, which will use the Moon’s $15,000 pizza oven. She hopes that she comes away from the event with stronger relationships and possibly secret phrases like “that’s so fetch” (her words, or Gretchen Weiners’ words, not mine) that her girl group can share. Daniel is going to set up the party, because Tiffany must work, and they spend some time planning the event, adding embroidered aprons, wine and ingredients to their shopping list. The segment ends with Tiffany saying that she’s going to type it all in an excel spreadsheet and send it to Daniel, which is truly the way to my heart. Watch out Mr. Moon, there’s a new suitor on the block.

Meanwhile, D’Andra is having a session with her shaman, Darrin. Darrin and D’Andra have had regular sessions throughout the season as D’Andra is trying to shed negative energy from her life. The two discuss the letter that D’Andra wrote to her estranged brother. He hasn’t responded, and Darrin, whose long hair is flowing in the air conditioned house, advises D’Andra to not give up, keep moving forward. The two also discuss the situation last week with Kary, where D’Andra and Kary engaged in a massive brawl, or in D’Andra’s words, the journey “down to the black abyss hole of hell.” Since the disagreement, D’Andra has even gained an eye twitch, having a physical reaction to the fighting. Darrin says that “a queen doesn’t come down to all of other peasants” and tells D’Andra to embody love so that she can address conflict with love. It’s not lost on me that Kary’s main critique of D’Andra was that she was selfish and full of herself, so the fact that Darrin places D’Andra above the other women cannot be helping Kary’s cause. D’Andra still wants a relationship with Kary because Kary is compassionate and caring, and she’s hoping to put their relationship back together.

In the Westcott House, Kameron and family are having a check-in with the dog trainer, Brad. Fanci, Kameron’s spoiled pooch, is on a strict schedule, which Kameron hasn’t really been following. Instead, Kameron has been smothering Fanci with treats, bones and affection. “How can you not when she’s three pounds of love?” Kameron says. Before Brad comes, however, Kameron and husband Court discuss the house, which they’re trying to sell. They lowered the price from $4.7 million to $4.4 million (a STEAL), and Kameron is stressed because every day that the house doesn’t sell is another day that she’s not with her dream home. Court tells her not to worry, he’s got this, causing Kameron to complain, because she’s out of the loop. Anyway, Bevill trainer Brad clearly notices, and after Fanci exhibits poor behavior, and gives the family a C+ on their efforts. “At least we got a letter,” Kameron says. Brad gives her a massive glare.

Next we move on to an update from Stephanie, who is putting the office for her foundation together. She had a bet with her husband, Travis, that if she didn’t have the office done in ten days, she would owe him a massage. Well, time’s up, and she’s not done because UPS didn’t deliver on time. As someone who has recently struggled with UPS, I relate to Stephanie and think that Travis should give her a break, but of course, the man’s man doesn’t and says that she owes him that massage. Stephanie doesn’t want to do it, but she may have to, because for her organization’s first project with Hamshire-Fannett High School outside of Houston, she’s massively over budget. The project is to provide the high school with new locker rooms, and she’s spent $300,000 on just accessories and flooring for the space. Her budget was a self-set $100,000. That doesn’t include the lockers, and Travis says, “Stephanie, you might have to go and sleep with some people.” Stephanie responds with a quick, “I don’t know if my services are that good,” which Travis affirms and everyone in the room laughs. Last week, at the end of my recap, I asked, “Will I like Stephanie’s husband more next week?” Answer: No dear readers. No.

We’re finally moving into the main event, the pizza party. I remember when pizza parties were a reward for reading a certain number of books as a class in middle school, so you could say that I’m excited for the event. They’re living out my dream (as usual), sans books and reading. The housewives, however, are skeptical of the event. For example, Brandi thinks that pizza parties are for children. But, Tiffany is excited, having her makeup done by her makeup artist while Daniel finishes up preparations for the event. She’s nervous though, as she likes her living room to be a museum, and she has to work tomorrow. So, she sends the girls a text saying that they would need to be out by 10:30 p.m., which of course, stirs up the drama-rama.

Kary cannot believe that Tiffany would send that text. The text, in its entirety, read, “Just to set expectations: I’ll probably be wrapping up the party at 10:30, because i have a meeting tomorrow and I want to be fresh for it. Can’t wait to see you all tonight.” Kary is already feeling disinvited, and Brandi echoes the sentiments, saying that if you don’t have time to throw a party, don’t throw one.

Kameron agrees in the car to the event, chatting with Stephanie, again mentioning that Tiffany doesn’t really know how to host parties. Kameron says that the only way to set an end time is on the invite, and she sets a phone alarm for 10:22 p.m. so that she knows that she has to get out. Stephanie just doesn’t care and says that she’s excited to get to go to bed early anyway, again exhibiting queen behavior. I just want to say too, that I think that the text was reasonable, and Tiffany is a doctor on the COVID-19 frontlines. She needs her rest, but no one really asked for my opinion.

The guests start arriving at Tiffany’s house, and everyone has to wear little booties in Tiffany’s home. In China, you don’t wear your outside shoes inside, and all of the women understand this and seem to be okay with this. Tiffany is still getting ready when the first guests arrive, and she shows Kameron and others her closet. Kameron has been waiting for this moment, and she takes a gander through the Tiffany store, eying a particular $24,000 Birkin bag. 

Once most of the women have arrived, they head outside to the pizza oven and patio. All of the monogrammed aprons are at the table, and Kameron comments that Kary won’t like the booties rule. Tiffany says, “Sorry, this is my house!” which gets a chuckle from Kameron. Finally, Brandi and Kary arrive after having a chat about Kary’s life where Kary said that she’s basically going to only have a superficial relationship with D’Andra, and Tiffany lays the ground rules. It’s make-your-own pizza night, and everyone will judge the pizzas with the best pizza being the winner, and there’s no fighting either, which Tiffany knows “is really hard in this group.” This earned eye rolls and glares from many of the women, and D’Andra looks at Tiffany in pure befuddled awe. Kameron states to the camera that this party is off to the worst start that she’s ever seen, and away we go.

Kameron, before the pizza festivities, invites all of the women to the backyard, where a piñata is dangling from a tree. It’s for Kary’s 50th birthday, as Kameron wanted to prolong the celebration for the big 5-0. The piñata is full of tequila, fake diamonds and a riddle, which says, “What is wet, long, thin, hot and down south?” Make your own guesses, I know what I thought, and some of the housewives did too, but the correct answer is Austin, where the girls will be heading for their seasonal getaway. Tiffany is very excited to have a break from her life.

Anyway, back to the main event, pizza making. After all of the women construct their own pizzas, they put on their aprons and get to work. Tiffany has a secret ingredient, crickets, and all of the girls scoff at the fact that she has them. None of them will try them, and Tiffany, deciding to play a prank on the girls, grinds the crickets down and lightly sprinkles them on her pizza. She specifically wants to prank Brandi, as Brandi is a prank master. The trap has been set.

Everyone starts by eating a small piece of everyone’s pizza. We learn that Tiffany used to pronounce jalapeno as jah-lop-a-no while she was learning English, and Kameron dabs the top of her pizza to take off some of the calories. 

When it’s time to try Kameron’s pizza, she says that she was “very articulate in her pepperoni placement,” which Tiffany makes fun of, saying, “You were articulate in your pepperoni placement?” Kameron then fires back, saying, “Does it make you feel better to talk down to people when we use the wrong word?” Tiffany does not feel like she’s talking down to the women, and Kameron says, “You should make light of it, not fun.” Kameron then cuts to a confessional saying that she may not have the best vocabulary, yet she’s smart in other ways. For instance, when the pandemic hit and there was a toilet paper craze, she had quite the solution. Delivering the best one liner of the episode, she says, “But, maybe if they actually googled pink toilet paper, they might have had full stock.” Kameron truly stays winning.

As the points are being tallied for best pizza, and Brandi gives Tiffany her point, Tiffany reveals that she put crickets all up in her pizza. Everyone’s faces turn yellow, and Kary says, “I knew it. I knew it.” Tiffany, excited that she “out pranked the prankster” doesn’t realize that many of the girls are actually mad. Brandi leaves the table to go inside, ready to vomit, and many of the women say that it’s really messed up that Tiffany did that. Tiffany didn’t know that Brandi’s stomach was that sensitive. Brandi then spends the next few minutes vomiting, maybe because of the crickets, maybe because of pizza bread overload. D’Andra, meanwhile, sits back, annoyed with the whole situation. She thinks that the women are blowing it out of the water and just being dramatic, as they were fine before they found out that crickets were on the pizza. 

When Brandi returns post vomit, Tiffany apologizes, saying that it wasn’t her intention. Tiffany didn’t know that her stomach was that sensitive, and Brandi mentions to the camera that she still feels unsure around Tiffany and doesn’t want to start anything. This is probably due to Brandi’s racist remarks on Instagram, for which she and Tiffany buried that hatchet on, and she’s still uneasy and feeling guilty, so she doesn’t want to engage in a fight with Tiffany. Yikes. 

Anyway, just like that, Kameron’s alarm goes off. “It’s 10:22, we’ve got eight minutes until Tiffany melts,” Kameron says. And, very quickly, all of the women start packing up. Leaving together, they abandon their half drunk wine and unfinished pizza and just bolt out the door, with Tiffany saying that they don’t need to leave on the dot. Kameron, of course, fights this, saying that they don’t want to miss their curfew. Sheesh. 

Tiffany ends the episode saying, “This was not a good party. I would give it a solid B-.” Me too, Tiffany. That did not go according to plan.

The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Tuesdays on Bravo at 8 p.m. CST.

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